Another reason I haven't been updating on here, or anywhere else, is that I haven't had the emotional and mental strength to do much more than survive.
I think how I'm feeling is the combination of 3 yrs of fighting the system and therefore being in a constant state of survival mode combined with fighting to get the treatment that Andy deserved and should've been given from the beginning, that should've been in place without me having to constantly ask for it. I was talking with a professional the other day about Andy's time in Bristol, that he still can't remember, and as I listed off all the difficulties he had I realised how much trauma we've been through and how much of that I (probably) haven't processed.
Difficulty with waking up from sedation and being put in an induced coma and then woken up again, a couple of times.
Developing severe sepsis, being told he might not live.
Having a tracheostomy done to support his breathing.
Having a feeding tube fitted as a long term measure to support his hydration and nutrition.
Having his kidneys fail and requiring 24hr dialysis.
Uncertainty about whether his liver was failing and was he going into multi-organ failure.
Having a lumber puncture done.
Being called down to HDU because of a cardiac arrest due to a mucus plug and being told I shouldn't drive myself down if at all possible.
To name but a few.
Andy doesn't remember this but I do.
Then there was the fight to get a spinal injury bed.
Then there was his placement at The Dean and the fight there to still get a spinal bed.
Then he got a bed in London and very nearly lost it due to incompetencies on certain professionals part.
Then the visiting London every weekend with and without children.
Then organising a placement in Gloucester whilst we made an extension.
Then living on a building site.
Then learning to be a family with a care staff in place.
Then fighting DWP for his disability benefits.
It's actually quite ridiculous when you start reading it in list form.
So I feel like I should be fine and dandy but the reality is I'm not 100% and I'm having good days and bad days. Days where I feel like I can do loads and days where I don't.